Where do I start, normally I dont do stuff like this, and its one of those things that I dont want people to look at or flaunt all around town, I just need something, anything really, to get things off my brain. Not like i feel this is going to do anything…but at this point, ive got nothing better to do and all the time in the world so here goes…

I just feel like my heart is sinking out of my chest, just making its way to my stomach everyday, and it hurts, just physically hurts, like nothing can lift it up since it is halfway sunk now. Everyday I try and pull it up and it wont budge. Its stuck, I’m stuck, and my brain keeps telling it “pull yourself together”, “we can do it”, “dont give up”, “why would you want to give up” and my heart listens for a minute, starts to pick itself up and then just gets tired of trying. Its sinking, and sinking, and I with all my might and trying to keep it up, but I’m not sure if i’m strong enough anymore.

So the question is what happens now. There is no reason to feel the way I do, I have never suffered in my entire life, I have never been let down, I’ve always gotten what I wanted, and I have never lacked in friendships or love. 

But I think thats it. I am destined to be this road in life where everything will be ok. Bad things will happen and I will turn them around. I will grow up, I will find love, I will have children, I will have a life. I do not want to complain about how fortunate I have been. Because I know everyday I am lucky, and I really think that is a reason why my heart has held out for so long. But I need something else & the only thing I can think of is something magical because it feels like reality just aint cutting it.